So today I washed, ironed and folded clothes, mopped my room and decided that this box of mess I call a room needs to be taken care of.
Started out with this corner of my wardrobe where I chucked all my new purchases that I didn't want to wear. So essentially, that is a costly corner where I keep newly (or not so new) bought clothes that I've never worn. I sat down, took out each piece of clothing one by one, folded them neatly and placed by my side. I was quite shocked when it seemed never ending.
When you re-read this, please be reminded of how spendthrift you are and STOP shopping!!
This is half of the 'New purchases that I've never worn out'. The other half is on my chair, comprising of clothes I'd most likely wear out this week so I took them aside to wash. I think in total I've wasted more than $400 on clothes that I wouldn't wear. Mostly blogshop/online purchases, evidently on impulse that didn't end up fitting well or looking like the photos. Online shopping is a black hole that sucks all your (at least my) money........
After this I moved on to my table. Messy and cluttered from finals revision. I packed and threw ALL my notes away! Such a great feeling to just dump them in the bag of Items to Recycle. Although I hope I don't actually have to RECYCLE them (If I fail the mod).
I thought I was done after this, so I took a break. Until I remembered this shelf where I put all the things that should have been thrown but are still there because I am a sentimental bitch. My sister calls me garang kuni because I keep everything I own. I still have the 'visa' card from YOG, room card from MBS, a Minnie mouse sweater my godmother bought me when I was 3 that serves better as a cropped top now. I threw away most of that rubbish (No, not the sweater.) in a bid to declutter my life until I reached the part where I kept all the cards, notes and what-nots I've received. That part has never seen light for a long long time because I always intentionally avoid it. But today, especially the fiasco last night that sent me to emotional hell, I hardened my heart. I put the pile on my table and read them one by one before tearing them up.
It was okay and easy initially, I merely smiled and reminisced the memories that may be sketchy now. I was even okay reading and throwing away what I called 'the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me'. I still think its sweet and I know the original intention was there. So thank you. Then I got to the bottom of the pile and my heartbeat quickened, dreading the coming.
I wanted to throw it away without looking. But really Yuqing. What got over you, what gave you the courage to open them up? Opening the card was like opening a pandora's box. Of course afterwards I bore the consequences of the silly act. In fact during my Sunday jog with Dad around Bishan park, in fact right now, the last sentence is still ringing in my head. It's really not a good sentence to be etched in my mind so PLEASE. Please be gone when I wake up tomorrow morning.
I clutched the red envelope and held it close to my heart for a minute. I sat there contemplating what to do because I really really really didn't want to throw that away although I know I should and I needed to.
Eventually I did it.
And I felt lighter. I felt a tad happier, or whatever I could manage. I guess that was the closure that I need. I also threw away the fancy pink phone that never really worked. Maybe it was symbolic of the relationship just that we've never noticed, haha.
So yes. This is a log to tell you to remember this feeling. I know you are laughing right now at how silly you were, but I guess its a life experience that you had to go through to learn and grow up. I hope you're in a better place now :)
When you wake up tomorrow, it will be a brand new day; A brand new start to a brand new life. Growing up now! Act like a Twenty-one year old adult!
Wooop now to be a pirate and catch up with all the shows and books!