Honestly, 2012 was the worst year I've had by far so I am so glad that it's officially over.
I like new starts and new beginnings very much. Yes I deposit my hope and emotions in the weirdest things like the 12pm church bells that I'm glad to have heard today. I have high hopes in 2013; It doesn't have big shoes to fill. Another milestone begins in 30 minutes when I officially become an adult.
Last week I swore to have great last days of 2012 as a revenge for the other crappy 360 days. It worked for awhile but suddenly everything took a turn for the worst. The past 2-3 days are definitely in my list of Most Horrible Days, both academically and emotionally. Up to about 2h ago I felt out of control. I felt like I lost everything. I lost everything I've built up the past twenty years academically and the emotional shield I'd built the past few months disintegrated. It was tiring to cry and not drift off to sleep while crying. I think that's got to be the worst of insomnias.
I decided to head out for a jog even though I was in the worst condition ever. Turned out the websites were right, it is the most natural and best antidepressant. I sprinted for awhile before stopping when I felt my dinner moving up my throat. Ended up doing a sprint-walk lame intervals for awhile before just walking around and boogeying to David Guetta.
Thank you God for giving me the nicest night-sky I've seen in about a year. One of my favourite activities used to be star gazing. It has a magical effect on me and it still does. I felt peaceful. And a little happy. I started grinning and I couldn't stop looking up.
Also, thank you Mr Guetta and the genius that is iPod shuffle for shuffling to the most appropriate song at the most appropriate moment.
For the first time in days I could see clearly. I'm so glad I took the jog/walk because otherwise I would be having the worst last hour of my 20th.
Its 2013 and I'm turning 21. I need to start living my life like an adult and pick myself up. Like my MC prof said, "It is not over, until its over."