There was between me and every person I had ever loved some element of separation, and I had never seen it until now.
There had been long periods spent apart from the different people I loved, due to nothing more than circumstances.
There had been arguments and disappointments, for the most part small and easily reconciled.
But over time people break apart, no matter how enormous the love they feel for one another is, and it is through the breaking and reconciliation, the love and the doubting of love, the judgment and then the coming together again, that we find our own identity and define our relationships.
Every single syllable of the first three lines is relatable. I've discovered that its something that I do periodically - Sealing myself up in my own bubble and retreat to just observe. During this isolation I have unintentionally driven some people away. It may seem purposeful to them but it was every single inch an accident.
Reconciliation sounds easy but the truth is, mending is hard. When the time passes, things won't be the same anymore. Every second is an opportunity - if you pass it, you've passed it. But maybe its just me. Maybe I just don't know how to fix things. Maybe deep down I am terrified of failing. Maybe I am just being the escapist that I am.
I need to drive this pessimism out of my system. Soon. For now, I shall indulge in pain and sadness. Beyond a certain degree of pain, it gets addictive. You just want to let it flow in and consume you so you don't have to think.
Contradictory, yes. Thats the way I work.